August 19th, 2008

Who Does God Love More? Vol. III

Initially, we were not sure how God would come down on this choice. Some choices are clear cut, others, like this one, not so much. So we did due diligence, re-read our Bible, but still had a fuck of a time coming to a conclusion. With that said, we settled on this logic at first:

If God loves Journalists more than Bloggers, then she’s hideously lame. We know God is not hideously lame. Quite the contrary, God is fashionable and hip, like the Gawker staff, or an Apple commercial, or Michel Gondry. Therefore, God cannot love journalists more.

But after some quiet meditation, we realized our flawed logic. Journalism tends to create appeasers who adhere to a wretched status quo mentality. Journalists are Chester the Terrier bouncing around Spike the Bulldog, seeking validation and acceptance from the very sources it should be skewering.

You see our mistake here. God adores a spineless suck-up. Those who’ll put aside they’re own thoughts and ethics in the hopes their masters will jerk them off once or twice. God enjoys this type of behavior. So, much to our dismay, God loves the journalist more.

Doesn’t always turn out like you hope it would.

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Further Reading

• Cowboy Roller Skates
• For the X-Files Fans
• Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan 1969 Sessions
• Navigate Eric Chan's Website Using Apple's Motion Sensor
• My New Favorite Website Design
• Exactitudes, or How You Are Not as Distinctive in that Sweet Hipster Outfit as You Thought You Were
• The End of Wall Street
• Don't Shit on Procrastination People
• Bad Sex in Fiction
• What I Learned Today

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So Sorry

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