Top Ten Sexual Positions

Dear Google Seekers (and others)

This post receives a lot of traffic from search engines. Unfortunately, this post also uses a top ten list to make a point unrelated to sexual positions. However, because I value your time, and think sex is great myself, please check out the following links, which may help in your quest for an expanded bag of sexual tricks.

1. The Cosmo Kama Sutra: 77 Mind-Blowing Sex Positions (book)
2. The Kama Sutra Year: 52 Sensational Positions for Erotic Pleasure (book)
3. Sex and the Perfect Lover: Tao, Tantra, and the Kama Sutra (book)
4. Tantric Sexuality
5. Kama Sutra

And Now Back to the Original Post

As told to me by a very hot, nymphomaniac female friend (reverse order)

1. The Old Tire Swing
2. Bump and Run
3. Rusty Pipe Leaking
4. Spock’s Wet Ears
5. Banana Split
6. Banana Split with Sprinkles
7. The Fuzzy Camel Donkey
8. Pogo Stick Pop
9. The Mounted Canadian
10. Inverted Penis Popsicle

Here’s the good news about this list, you can use it to inject some pizzaz into your sex life. Here’s the bad news, you’re on your own in regards to the mechanics of these positions because I made it up, the list and the nymphomaniac female friend, though I do have a very hot female friend but she’s not a nympho, though she’d get a kick out of it if people thought she was.

Basically, I’m growing nauseous with all the Top Ten and Five Best blogging lists so I made one of my own. I thought it might help the nausea, a sort of home-brewed homeopathic remedy. I’ve got no qualms with people creating these lists. I’d never be so arrogant as to tell others what is and isn’t worthy of their time. In fact, I read quite a few of these lists and some are decidedly clever and helpful. It’s like candy corn though. You know, those little orange and white triangular, high fructose delights that are recycled each Halloween. Too much of one thing can get a little sickening and I see these lists as a symptom of our cultures fast food lifestyle.

It’s fast food writing. Top Ten lists are the blogging equivalent of the Quarter-Pounder with cheese. Again, nothing wrong with it. People who create them aren’t bad or wrong or less than and, I’ll say it again, some are helpful and clever. It’s the steady trend towards ever shorter and to the point blog posts that’s lamentable in my eyes.

Blogging lists are a sign of the times. Everyone’s got ADHD. Everyone’s got celebrity-itis. I’m not exempting myself here either. It’s a terrible pull and easy to become sucked into the circle down the drain. I’m guilty of looking at a blog post that might take me fifteen minutes to read and declaring it a marathon or a visit with Aunt Jenny or any class of activity that is always too long and too painful by half. This is a shame.

I’ve been trying to resist the urge to write to the point and quickly. It’s not terribly difficult for me because of two factors. One, the purpose of this blog makes it so I’m not all together infatuated with numbers, ten readers or ten thousand FunkWad’s purpose will remain the same. And two, my natural writing style and personality is long winded, digression pocked, meanders. I was trained in college to write clearly and concisely. History writing will do that to ya, but left on my own accord I’m long and pointless. With effort and consciousness I can write concisely but if I’m not getting graded or being paid the effort isn’t really worth it. Better to let natural sail the ship. The wind then becomes my friend.

August 22 2006 12:01:14 PM EDT