The Three Seasons of Movie Watching

So I was ripping through my movie ratings for the hell of it, and thought I might share a few of my favorites. Ones that people may have missed when they first came out. If you’re a movie watching maven then chances are you’ve seen some of the ones I’ll share, or know of them. If you’re just a casual consumer of flicks then some of the films may be new to you.

So I was laying down a list that keep getting longer by the second when it occurred to me that multiple lists by movie watching season would be a better idea. It then occurred to me that not everyone may realize that there is three movie seasons each year. So before I share my movie picks I thought it would be a good idea to quickly break down the Three Seasons of Movie Watching. They are as follows:

Season One

Starting at the beginning of the year, the first season runs from January to the end of April. This is the Season of Sweet Sewage. From January’s start to April’s end, movie studios dump as much raw, stinking crap on the public as they can. There’s exceptions of course, Silence of the Lambs, Erin Brockovich, Memento, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind being four of the more memorable ones, in terms of critical acceptance, but as a rule this is the season where everything stinks of locker room balls. It also happens to be my favorite season for two reasons. One, it’s the most honest of the three seasons, and, two, I have a soft spot for sitting through banal sci-fi movies and insulting horror flicks.

Season Two

It’s the Summer Season from May until the end of August. This is the season when studios release their tent-pole movies and other Double D extravaganzas. I tend to hate this time of the movie year. It’s by far the worst, because there is always a melancholy of unmet expectations, and resulting anger at being sucker in again, that drags on into October. Hopes run high and are dashed time and again during this period. Season Two is like being in a co-dependent abusive relationship with a manic-depressive.

The first season movies suck. Everyone knows it. No one lies about it. You occasionally get a classic movie, but it’s the exception, and because it’s surrounded by a huge pile of dung the experience is all the sweeter. Second season movies are all bait and switch. It’s a little bit like your best friend setting you up on the “sweetest blind date ever,” which you begrudgingly go on, only to wake up the next morning in some cheap hotel bathtub with a condom on your Johnson, an empty bottle of Wild Turkey in your hand, Sharpie writing all over your face, and a weeks worth of shame. Not that this has ever happened to me personally, but this is the summer movie season in a nutshell.

Season Three

Starting at the end of August (though it’s a fuzzy break as September is a bit of a nether-world and could go either way) and ending at the bottom of December is Award Season. It’s full of pomposity, ego-mania, and gluttony. Movies are hit or miss. Some are incredible. Some try to be, and aren’t. This is the time of year recognizable stars often take roles in which they are unrecognizable in order that the public may recognize them more. It’s a paradox of the acting artist.

Dramas are usually the staple during this season, and the Oscar typically, though not always, goes to a movie released during season three. Season Three can get a bit heavy so it’s best to have a store of First Season DVD’s in hand to lighten the mood. There’s nothing quite like watching The Pianist in a theatre, then heading home to a double feature of Resident Evil and Queen of the Damned. Balance in all things is the motto to live by during Season Three.

The End

So those are the Three Seasons of Movie Watching. I’ll roll out some movie picks for each season in the next week. Keep checking back.

September 12 2007 08:54:28 AM EDT