Bureaucratic Dick

No one enjoys bureaucracy, but sometimes the disagreeable is necessary and so here we are. A page devoted to this site’s various policies. I have no clue how legally binding any of this is. Given my penchant for writing colloquially I’d hazard a guess of → not fucking much at all. However, here I am on the record, for the record, and for what it is worth, a dime, a dollar, or a dirty dildo. We’ll leave it up to the legal heads.

A Disclaimer of Sorts

This site is Rated R for the occasional use of offensive language, nudity, drug references, and muddled thought, which may lead to offenses taken and the general hurt feeling. If you let your seven year old daughter run wild through this site, and soon afterwards she chases Muffin the Kitten around your house clutching your glass bong and yelling “dirty shit eating zombie” remember that you’ve been warned. The fault, at that point, is entirely your own and perhaps something a parenting class can sort out.

Copyright and Usage

All the writing and photos contained within the borders of this site, if my creation, are available to use, copy, share, distribute, and/or adapt unless otherwise noted. The site basically rests in the warm bosom of a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0. This means you can use anything of mine, again, unless otherwise stated, so long as you adhere to the following guidelines:

1. You notify folks the used work is mine in whatever way you feel is befitting. I’m partial to the large, awkward day-glo arrow pointing to my name in a subtle blue gradient of 50pt Comic Sans, but the ultimate decision is yours.
2. Don’t use the work for commercial purposes. If I’m not getting paid for it fuck if I let you get paid for it.
3. Share it the same way I do. Forced sharing if you will. No one likes a greedy dick.

If you’ve lived even a little bit you know there will always be the exceptions. Therefore, feel free to contact me if you’d like to work out something different, or if you think my policy is fuckin’ whacked on whippets, or you’re looking to get laid, or something cool like that.

If you want to use something from this site but are unsure whose work it is, or you’re just mired in a general and debilitating confusion, then ask me. Asking is always a good policy. When in doubt just ask. You may ask me in any number of ways, five to be exact, by clicking this link which will forward you to my contact page.

Advertisements

Ads may appear on this site. You will react to them according to your own preconceptions and prejudices. It would be my hope you’d temper any adverse reaction to advertisements with the knowledge I am an honorable man, but there’s really not much I can do about how you feel. Except kowtow to your whims, which I will not do, unless you pay me good lucre. In which case I’ll be your bitch for an agreed upon sum and time.

On-site advertisements will influence the content of this site, just as they will influence you. It’s the whole point of a fucking ad. However, on-site ads will not turn me into a sneaky cock. I will always be transparent and open in my affiliations and motivations. If I feel a company or product deserves a swift kick in the balls then a swift kick I will give regardless of wether their ad appears on this site or not.¹

I like money. So do you. I like my integrity much more. I would hope you do as well.

Policy on Comments

There’s a lot of shit and meandering here so for your benefit I present the comment policy in seven words: Be bold, be brave, and don’t suck.

I’m of two minds about comments. On one hand, weblog comments remind me of the morning after a kegger. You know how that is cause you’ve been there. You wake up to a sticky wasteland of disjointed and disoriented chatter from folks who aren’t sure what’s happened to them, or why they are lying naked in the bathtub. One the other hand, comments are an easy way for visitors to connect with the author. At this point I’m keeping comments because I rather enjoy waking up naked in the bathtub.

All that I ask of you is you be bold, be brave, be authentic, and don’t suck. I will accept anonymous comments. I will accept cynicism and sarcasm - if it makes me laugh. I will not except anything I consider blatant buffoonery. I will not define what I mean by blatant buffoonery as it is such a subjective decision there’s really no point.

The truth is people know when they’re acting like a fucktard. If you want to be a fucktard and leave a comment on this site then all the power to you. Keep in mind though that this is my house, not yours. If you decided to come into my house with an attitude befitting a fucktard then I reserve the right to edit your comment and treat you as a fucktard deserves to be treated, which means lots of spanking and generally abusive behavior.

Oh, and I hate Grammar Nazis with a burning passion. By all means point out spelling mistakes or grammar errors, but don’t be an asshole when you do it. This isn’t the holy temple of literature here. I are not writing the Great American Novel so lay off the Grammar Nazi tactics. If you’re the type that allows spelling errors, typos and the such to hurl you into a hot rage I suggest you take a long, mindful look at that as it doesn’t seem like a pleasant place to frequent. Go save a Panda Bear or something.

Bear in Mind

I conceive of this joint as a conversation with myself and others. There’s no point I’m hoping to arrive at and no relief I’m seeking to create. I mention this for no reason, or a reason that will reveal itself in time.

1. Correction: A wether is a castrated ram. Metaphorically appropriate given the sentence, but grammatically incorrect. The correct word would have been whether. ↩