First Person Review: Slither
You’d think we’d learn our lessons. How many times has our Darwinian lust been foiled by these bipedal monkeys? It’s getting to the point to comical absurdity. We’re the pie in the face assholes of the cosmos.
And really, it’s not the whole planet. If you happened to take a cosmic conquerer perspective on the matter much of the Earth is living in a trailer park. Chances are you’re an ignorant, backwards runt ripe for the pickin’, living in one of a few hundred primitive tribes.
It’s these damn Americans. They’re the problem. They kick some serious Martian ass and when their not kickin’ ass they’re running on some fatally potent diesel powered luck.
All I wanted to do was eat every living man, women and child on your planet. It’s a simple need. What do I get but some riled up American Cowboy and a bad case of the lovesick blues. Fucked with my head, this thing called love.
You’d think we’d be smart enough to call a symposium, call it something catchy like The Alien Colonialists Study Group, and shake out a plan for Earth’s imprisonment. Ain’t gonna happen though. Man hungry space invaders don’t play well with others.
From what I hear though the Aliens of planet GonnaEattaLottaYou have devised a pretty clever plan. One that’s already been put into motion. They call their plan Assimilation by Political Proxy or as their leader cleverly put it, it’s their nature stupid.
Seems they’ve cloned themselves in your image, wrapped themselves in suits and ties and infiltrated America’s political process. As they figure it, after another decade of softening up by professional politicians and their inverted brand of wisdom, America will welcome death by alien consumption.
What’s the difference really, a slow death by childish insolence or a quick dying in the jagged jaws of a slobbering three eyed slime monster? Polls show the majority would rather be subsistence than watch another round of lies legitimated by aspect ratio.
Further Reading
So Sorry
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