Contact the Author

Last modified on October 3rd 2008

Assuming you click the link which asked Can I have your baby? I feel obliged to answer, and if my wife is down with it then I’m game, but none of this artificial insemination nonsense. I don’t jerk off into a cup. I will, however, have a baby with a complete stranger so we’ll need to engage in the mechanics of baby makin’ or it’s not a working proposition for me.

Below you’ll see various means of contacting me. Pick your poison. You’ll also notice little status icons next to a few options. I’d imagine you’ll get the gist, but in the off chance you don’t get it, red means stop, green means go, or red means the respective application is not running on my computer and green means the respective application is running on my computer.

• Skype
• AIM
• Yahoo Messenger
• e-Mail
• Twitter
• Pownce

A Few Caveots on the Above Options

1. I respond immediately if e-Mails include nude photos. Preferably of you, but any garden variety porn nets a quick turnaround. Otherwise, expect a lag of a few days, or weeks if you seem like an angry person.
2. Don’t bother using Skype if you think this is sounds like a fine French dish of snails and frog skins laid over a bed of crisp Romaine.
3. Don’t bother using Twitter if this sounds like a lame game the Beave and Wally played. Actually, Twitter’s probably not working so fuck it.